I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
