i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
