it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
