Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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