Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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