i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I smell like Dick and happiness
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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