She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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