I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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