is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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