but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's the barista slut.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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