Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
