That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
