Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We need to get me chipped asap
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
