So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
