He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
