So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
