ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize