i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
