I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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