Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
