Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
