What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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