So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
