She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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