i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
