I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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