umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
BRING THE BAGELS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
