ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think your dad took our porno
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
try to milk me bitch
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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