i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
