We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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