Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
