is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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