so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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