I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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