I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
