She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
