I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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