Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
