apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
