theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
