Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
