It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
