Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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