how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
