It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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