Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
