Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
