If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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