I accidentally had phone sex last night
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
