I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
