Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
