chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
