I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
