I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
