She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
