im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
