At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
