True but thats because hes a fetus.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
