I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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