Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
