first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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