I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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