After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
