His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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